"This is Me"

Look out 'cause here I come, And I'm marching on to the beat I drum, I'm not scared to be seen, I make no apologies, this is me.

~The Greatest Showman~

There aren't many people I feel I can be myself around. For most of my life I hid things that I love. Once people found out that 'Mmmbop' was one of my favorite songs, or that I loved to watch and read anime - I was labeled as 'the nerd' or 'loser' and was made fun of. This caused me to hide everything and just kind of stay clear from people. There are those who accepted me and I still hold them very dear to my heart, even if I don't speak to them everyday. Even though I had those few people who were my true friends, I still didn't know who I was because for so long the real me was hidden. It wasn't until recently when I decided that what they thought didn't matter and I was going to be me. Through my journals I have been able to discover a lot of myself that was pushed deep down into my hole that only myself or my close friends knew about. I started to put my favorite songs on the pages and trackers to silly things I was excited about. And when I wanted to show everyone what I had made... I was shocked that I was 'ready' to show off ME. 

One of my friends and coworkers really proved to me that I could be myself and that it didn't matter.

The Beautiful McKaylie and I at the Josh Turner Concert

 When I first met McKaylie I was nervous we wouldn't get along. She was from a small town and was the popular girl everyone knew. I was scared. One day I asked her how her weekend was and her response was... "well, I shot a deer". I was totally taken off guard. It was that moment I knew she was special. She began to take an interest in me and my likes and dislikes. We were totally different people but she quickly became one of my best friends. She accepted me for all that I was and she has been there (Even when I made her walk around the building with me many many times...just to try to hatch an egg in Pokemon Go). McKaylie is an inspiration to me with her journey being Miss Rodeo Utah 2019, showing that being yourself is all that matters. Shes true herself and it's her mission to show others that it's perfectly OK to just be YOU.

I am very lucky to have my best friend and sister by my side. Michelle has been my friend since my junior year in high school, her sophomore year. We bonded over our love for Clay Aiken and Harry Potter (I think I was wearing a Harry Potter t-shirt that night...). We have had bumps in the many years we've known each other but I honestly don't know where I would be without her. Michelle is a puzzle piece that keeps me together. If I am having an anxiety attack or life is just too much she can normally pull me back and she tells me that what I am feeling is real. It will be OK, but

My Pyper and The Amazing Michelle
(I sadly do not have a picture of us!)

it is real. She has shown me that things I love and care about are just as important as the things the guy across the street cares about. Michelle has been one of my biggest cheerleaders. She was even there the day I got baptized into the Church and she has gone to several meetings with me. She sees things a different way then I do and isn't afraid to embrace herself. I have converted her to many things (journaling and pokemon go for example) and she has shown me things I didn't know I needed (Three Wooden Crosses by Randy Travis is a BIG one). Michelle is a light in a dark tunnel, even if she some times doesn't believe that herself. 

Michelle and McKaylie are just two of the friends I hold close and who I feel I can be myself around, but they are the ones who stood out to me when I realized I wanted to write about me. I had thought about writing things that I liked or what I enjoyed to do in my free time but it wasn't enough. I can sit and write about Panic at the Disco or Once Upon a Time for hours but it wouldn't mean anything. I wanted to show everyone that I am growing and becoming ME. It's taken me a long time, 28 years in fact...but I am figuring out that I am important and that I matter. All my quirks, and the fact that I am a complete nerd, are important. Through my journals and my bible - I am seeing that. Heavenly Father put me on earth for a reason. I chose to follow him and do something in this world. I am very blessed to have those in my life who accept me for me, they are helping me become who I am. I am not AS scared to be seen...I don't make AS MANY apologies...THIS IS ME.

I urge you to become who you are and don't hold back and don't hide. Please don't hide. You are important and you matter too... Show it off to the world!!!

With Love - Stefanie