Look out 'cause here I come, And I'm marching on to the beat I drum, I'm not scared to be seen, I make no apologies, this is me.

~The Greatest Showman~

There aren't many people I feel I can be myself around. For most of my life I hid things that I love. Once people found out that 'Mmmbop' was one of my favorite songs, or that I loved to watch and read anime - I was labeled as 'the nerd' or 'loser' and was made fun of. This caused me to hide everything and just kind of stay clear from people. There are those who accepted me and I still hold them very dear to my heart, even if I don't speak to them everyday. Even though I had those few people who were my true friends, I still didn't know who I was because for so long the real me was hidden. It wasn't until recently when I decided that what they thought didn't matter and I was going to be me. Through my journals I have been able to discover a lot of myself that was pushed deep down into my hole that only myself or my close friends knew about. I started to put my favorite songs on the pages and trackers to silly things I was excited about. And when I wanted to show everyone what I had made... I was shocked that I was 'ready' to show off ME. 

One of my friends and coworkers really proved to me that I could be myself and that it didn't matter.

The Beautiful McKaylie and I at the Josh Turner Concert

 When I first met McKaylie I was nervous we wouldn't get along. She was from a small town and was the popular girl everyone knew. I was scared. One day I asked her how her weekend was and her response was... "well, I shot a deer". I was totally taken off guard. It was that moment I knew she was special. She began to take an interest in me and my likes and dislikes. We were totally different people but she quickly became one of my best friends. She accepted me for all that I was and she has been there (Even when I made her walk around the building with me many many times...just to try to hatch an egg in Pokemon Go). McKaylie is an inspiration to me with her journey being Miss Rodeo Utah 2019, showing that being yourself is all that matters. Shes true herself and it's her mission to show others that it's perfectly OK to just be YOU.

I am very lucky to have my best friend and sister by my side. Michelle has been my friend since my junior year in high school, her sophomore year. We bonded over our love for Clay Aiken and Harry Potter (I think I was wearing a Harry Potter t-shirt that night...). We have had bumps in the many years we've known each other but I honestly don't know where I would be without her. Michelle is a puzzle piece that keeps me together. If I am having an anxiety attack or life is just too much she can normally pull me back and she tells me that what I am feeling is real. It will be OK, but

My Pyper and The Amazing Michelle
(I sadly do not have a picture of us!)

it is real. She has shown me that things I love and care about are just as important as the things the guy across the street cares about. Michelle has been one of my biggest cheerleaders. She was even there the day I got baptized into the Church and she has gone to several meetings with me. She sees things a different way then I do and isn't afraid to embrace herself. I have converted her to many things (journaling and pokemon go for example) and she has shown me things I didn't know I needed (Three Wooden Crosses by Randy Travis is a BIG one). Michelle is a light in a dark tunnel, even if she some times doesn't believe that herself. 

Michelle and McKaylie are just two of the friends I hold close and who I feel I can be myself around, but they are the ones who stood out to me when I realized I wanted to write about me. I had thought about writing things that I liked or what I enjoyed to do in my free time but it wasn't enough. I can sit and write about Panic at the Disco or Once Upon a Time for hours but it wouldn't mean anything. I wanted to show everyone that I am growing and becoming ME. It's taken me a long time, 28 years in fact...but I am figuring out that I am important and that I matter. All my quirks, and the fact that I am a complete nerd, are important. Through my journals and my bible - I am seeing that. Heavenly Father put me on earth for a reason. I chose to follow him and do something in this world. I am very blessed to have those in my life who accept me for me, they are helping me become who I am. I am not AS scared to be seen...I don't make AS MANY apologies...THIS IS ME.

I urge you to become who you are and don't hold back and don't hide. Please don't hide. You are important and you matter too... Show it off to the world!!!

With Love - Stefanie

Helaman 5:12

"...My sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundations...Because of the rock upon which ye are build, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men would build they cannot fail." Helaman 5:12

My sweet Pyper and Hadley at the Manti Temple

My twins, Pyper and Hadley love the Temples. Their favorite one is Manti Utah. In fact, Pyper's first thing she said upon seeing it... "Mom...it's gorgeous". We drive down every now and then and take the afternoon and visit the temple. I sadly have not done a session or been inside yet, but I know one of these days I will. It brings such joy to my heart to see my daughters (and my son) know that the temple is a place of God, and that they love it as much as I. It's something I try to focus my life around. Especially in these last few months. I have made it a goal it attend a temple twice a month - I'm building that strong foundation.

Have you heard that primary song? My kids love it..."oh the wise man built his house upon the rock." We do the gestures and we scream it a loud when we sing it. I'll even catch Hadley singing it as she falls asleep. It's a song that to me...since I didn't grow up in the church....was just a fun little song. It taught to build your house upon a strong foundation, that when the rains came down and the floods came up - you would be safe. Don't be the foolish man and build on the sand. The foolish man - didn't build his foundations.

In September last year, our Relief Society Counsel was to study the scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon. I hadn't read it since I was baptized - so I really took that advice. I started it that night. And really paid attention. It was then a good friend turned me onto Line Upon Line. a new company of two amazing gal who made a journaling edition of the Book of Mormon. (Check them out if you haven't!! www.lineuponlineco.com). I HAD to have one. I ordered it right away and waited...and waited... when it came it was the best day. Yet - I was afraid to mark it up. (Much like the bullet journal!) But after I marked my favorite scripture (Mosiah 7:19) I couldn't wait to make it mine.

It was such a blessing, getting used to read my scriptures each night. It became a need. I had to read them before I went to bed or I couldn't sleep. When our prophet, Russel M Nelson, gave the sisters a challenge to read the Book of Mormon before the end of the year - I just knew I was on the right path to build up my relationship with God.

I honestly didn't know that was what my life was missing at the moment. God. The gospel. The Temple. I was missing a firm foundation!

This Journaling Edition can be found at Desert Book

There is times when anxiety will hit me. I start to think I can't do it anyone. I get so discouraged that life is at a road block and there is literally no where else to go. I'll be the first to admit that these anxiety attacks don't go much further than that moment, I do worry over nothing. When I have an anxiety attack I get completely irrational. I don't want to listen to anyone. I don't want to be calmed down. I just want SOMEONE to listen to ME. Sometimes those people are hard to find. They are busy themselves. My husband and close friends work - they have lives outside of worrying about me right! It took me awhile to figure out that there was always someone there who would drop everything to listen, and all I had to do was read my gospel and pray. God will always...ALWAYS...listen to what you have to say. (I screamed a lot of prayers his way....) He's always there...you need to have built your foundation around him.

Think of it as bricks and mortar. Every brick is something you build to your foundation. Family, friends, the gospel, the temple...whatever you need. The mortar is what holds it all together right? FAITH. Faith holds it all together. With your faith in Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father - your foundation will be extremely strong that when you start to break it will not fall apart.

Jesus Christ, my Savior, is my rock. Each and every day I build my relationship with him and my foundation, and each and every day I can feel it getting stronger. Whether your are a member of the church, catholic, baptist, Lutheran...any religion... Christ should be the corner stone holding everything together.

I am trying to raise my family with the same love I have for the gospel. My kids see me reading my scriptures and they want to read there too. My kids look forward to seeing a beautiful temple, even if its just on side of the road. They beg to travel to Manti and they want to spend time on the hill next to the temple. I am so very happy that they are beginning to build their foundation now!

Keep your foundations strong and you too will not fail!!

With love - Stefanie

How to start a bullet journal...and why I think you should!!

Before I begin, if you have any interest at all in starting a bullet journal please go to www.bulletjournal.com. Ryder Caroll is the amazing man who created and shared the Bullet Journal. Everything you need to know is there!! There is an amazing video that explains it in detail! It's where I started - its were you should too!! 

So...what is a bullet journal? Well... a bullet journal can be many things. A planner. A diary. A sketchbook. A bullet journal is anything you need it to be. When I started my bullet journal I needed it to be a place where I wasn't judged and I could be myself. I needed a place to call mine. I think the thought of it can sound overwhelming to many people. Its unlike any other planner system out there. The pages are blank so everything comes from your mind. But that is a reason why it works so well. It can be as simple as you want or it can be as artsy as you want. Once you open that notebook it's all what you make of it.

You'll need some supplies before you get started. All you need is a notebook (any will do, but I am quite found of the LT1917 Dotted Grid) and a pen (again, any will do but I prefer Tombow Mono Drawing pen in 03). I think that a reason as to why some get overwhelmed is because they see all the beautiful spreads on Instagram and Pinterest and they think theirs will never look that way. I had the same thoughts! But it really doesn't need to be fancy. Really - that is all you need is a notebook and a pen.

First things first, after you get your supplies... learn the 'lingo'. A Key will help you keep track of any tasks. I use a very simple key. A Future Log is a glimpse into the oncoming months. Any birthdays, appointments or anything else you need to know can be put here for you to see. A Monthly Log is the current month laid out with the tasks from the future log migrated there.

Weekly Logs can be added to see a bigger view of the week and Daily Logs start from there. It is recommend that you go day by day BUT you can do whatever you need to do to plan your days. My Dailies can be simple and plain - or they can have pops of color and lettering. I tend to mix it up. No week is ever the same! Below is one of my favorite spreads where I used brush pens to create a water color effect for the background.

This is actually in my friends Bullet Journal - but I love it so much!

Collections - in my opinion - is one of things that makes the bullet journal amazing. This is a notebook that is supposed to be for everything! Those little scrap pieces of paper - toss them and put everything here. I use collections to help me with my budget, to have record of funny things my kids say, notes for my calling, grocery shopping - I even used it to help me plan this blog post! I also doodle and hand letter- I make it mine. My journal is a place for me to be me! Some pages are beautiful - some are a complete mess. But that's what I love about! I love to look back and see what I've created.

Which brings me to - why I personally think YOU need to start a bullet journal. A bullet journal can be an extremely personal thing. In Relief Society we had a night were we spoke about finding Joy in our lives - the entire time my bullet journal was on my lap and I kept thinking as to how happy I was to come across this creation. If I am having a bad day or an anxiety moment - my bullet journal (along with my scriptures) helps me in so many ways. It brings me JOY. It can calm me down in any given moment - even if I'm just crossing off my habit tracker. If you have the same 'problems' I have with anxiety or depression and need an outlet, your own space - a journal is the 'cure'. Don't delay in starting - don't get overwhelmed by all the artsy spreads, all the beautiful handwriting. This isn't for THEM its for YOU. It's a place where you will not be judged. It's YOURS. Plan, Organize...CREATE. Finding something in you that you didn't even know was there.

My hope is to inspire you, in any way. Find that JOY in anyway shape or form!

Love - Stefanie